Tuesday, January 13, 2015
I feel like right now I just need a way to get things out of my head and onto something...These thoughts have been running around me for days and are starting to eat me alive. All I want to do is sing. Oh man, when I'm singing I lose myself. For just a few moments I forget about all of the crappy things happening and the different stresses that I have and It's just me and the notes. I know how to hit them. I know how they're supposed to sound. It comes easy. Then the song ends and I have to remember that I can't do this all the time because I am a normal civilized person who works in an office and lives with a roommate in a basement apartment. I envy people who sing and who get to lose themselves in it forever...Why can't I just do that? Why does it have to be so stinkin' hard? I feel like finally stating my need to sing was something brave of me, but now what. I can't pack up and move to L.A. with nothing can I? Am I good enough to make it big from right where I'm at? Do I actually have enough drive to do this at all? Gosh what am I thinking!? How dare I actually think that I could be successful right? Man. I want it so bad, but thoughts come into my head and just drown out everything positive in my life. They leave me feeling like an impractical child who can't possibly do something like this. Am I just afraid that I can do it? Why don't I do something about it...I really think my biggest fear is that I can actually do it. I am afraid of me.