Tuesday, January 1, 2013
There are forces in this world that aren't seen. I didn't used to believe in them as I do now. I couldn't feel their presence like I do now. I can physically feel the influence of the powers of both God and his angels, and the devil and his followers. They enwrap me in these feelings of such complete and utter despair, or complete and utter peace and love. I know all the way to my core that God loves me, and that I am going to be okay. I also know that he gave me things that were hard. It is like a shot, you suffer through moments of small pain so that you don't have incredible suffering in the future. We look up at our God with tears in our eyes and ask "why?" over and over and over again. Today those feelings of complete despair enclosed me, like they seem to be doing more and more often the closer I get to leaving on my mission, and I looked to the heavens and cried out "Why?". I heard a voice telling me I was okay that I just had to get through a little pain first, and everything would be all right. I thought the voice was my dad, but my dad was upstairs in bed. I ignored what I heard and allowed those awful feelings to overwhelm me again. I heard the voice again and I know I knew the voice from somewhere I just couldn't name it. Then I could physically feel someone put their arms around me and hold me close...I have never felt the presence of God so literally and physically right there with me. I love the Lord with all my heart, I am grateful for the beautiful people in Montana that I haven't met yet. I am grateful for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am grateful for my wonderful friends and family. But more than anything I am grateful for my father in heaven, and for the knowledge that he loves me enough to just take a moment to hold me close and let me know he is not going to leave me comfortless.