Life of a teenage Malynne!

Okay so basically people usually start out their blogs by saying things like, 'hello, my name is Malynne, and this is my first time doing a blog' however it is not...I just decided that I needed to show you guys another side of me that you guys don't usually get to see. Also because I just really need to talk to someone and find out if anybody else in this whole entire freaking world feels the same way that I do about anything! Maybe I am just being emotional...who really knows what I am right now all I know is that I am quite unhappy about life. I don't know maybe I just like it to much and that's why I don't like it...if that even makes sense. I just wish that I could always stop being the one who sits in the fish tank and watches all of the other fish go to lovely little homes while I am stuck here in this stupid blasted fish tank all by myself waiting until someone wants me. p.s. if you haven't picked this up yet this is about my relationship status. I don't know maybe it is because I haven't had a crush on anybody for sooooooooo long like not since last June have I even liked anybody. you know like the cute kind of liking when you get butterflies in your stomach and you just want to be around them all the time; you hear their name and you just want to run around in circles. Yea that's where I am at, and it is completely pathetic since I know it isn't going anywhere and yea I don't even know why I care so much I mean he is just a stupid boy right?!!! Ah I feel so pathetic, because I don't want him to know. I want him so want me back so bad but I am to afraid and too much of a coward to even hint that I like him. Nobody will ever know who I like because deep down I am really good at keeping my own secrets. He will never know because I make it seem like friend status is perfectly fine with me. Which I guess it is...I would rather have that than not have him at all. I don't know do you guys see my dilemma? I am just going around in circles, 'I like him', 'but he's not worth it', 'but he's so perfect' ugh!!!! why can't I get over myself? I guess I am afraid of rejection more than just about anything. I feel like I reject myself enough why would I need outside forces just affirming what I feel on the inside? Okay yea well this is probably more than any of you guys wanted to know about me. I just feel like I want somebody to acknowledge that it's okay that I feel this way you know...because at the moment it feels so completely inappropriate and out of line that I shouldn't have shared it. But anyways there is your inside to Malynne's patheticness.